The following are paraprosdokians. A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and oft times very humorous:
*If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me very attractive.
*I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.
*Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
*Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
*I’m great at multitasking; I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
*If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
*Take my advice — I’m not using it.
*My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
*Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.
*Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
*Ever stop to think and then forget to start again?
*Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
*He who laughs last thinks slowest.
*Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
*Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
*I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
*Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
*I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
*If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
*Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
*If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
*Money is the root of all wealth.
Thanks to Carla for sending this to me.