Read, Think, Laugh

I’m running on empty this week and depending on my team to help until we get “Barkaritaville” behind us.

No pool party this time so Live Like Lary  will be leaving the swim shorts home.

No pool party this time so Live Like Lary will be leaving the swim shorts home.

All of you locals are welcome to come support the Aiken SPCA and hear classic rock (and some not so classic) from the Live Like Larry band. We have been working hard and will have a lot of fun next Saturday evening as we fill in for Low Down Brown becase of an injury/surgery for one of their members.

Thanks to Carla for these oldies, but goodies:

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race, they ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger, then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. A geologist exploring an earthquake fell to his death through no fault of his own.

27. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

About Ray V.

Living in Aiken, South Carolina, USA, I like to share what I am looking at, thinking about or listening to. I refer to this as the view out my window. Thanks for stopping by.
This entry was posted in Barkaritaville and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Read, Think, Laugh

  1. Al says:

    It’s something in the water. I just read an email with loads of jokes from someone. Both excellent reads at 6:30 in the morning. Loved it.

    Liked by 1 person

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